Conversation

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Conversation is the verbalization of concepts involving abstractions and concrete objects which make up the world we live in.

A conversation is communication by two or more people, or sometimes with one's self, often on a particular topic. Conversations are the ideal form of communication in some respects, since they allow people with different views of a topic to learn from each other. A speech, on the other hand, is an oral presentation by one person directed at a group.

Those engaging in conversation naturally relate the other speaker's statements to themselves, and insert themselves (or some degree of relation to themselves, ranging from the replier's opinions or points to actual stories about themselves) into their replies. For a successful conversation, the partners must achieve a workable balance of contributions. A successful conversation includes mutually interesting connections between the speakers or things that the speakers know. For this to happen, those engaging in conversation must find a topic on which they both can relate to in some sense.

Conversation analysis is a branch of sociology which studies the structure and organization of human interaction, with a more specific focus on conversational interaction.

Types of conversation

Sometimes, when talking colloquially, banter can be referred to as "bants".

Conversation conducted in formal but unstructured settings can be particularly valuable in enlivening those in the growing population of retired, and sometimes otherwise isolated, people in advanced countries. Institutions such as the University of the Third Age provide such settings. Here the great diversity of life experience and points of view provide a very rich resource for advanced learning.

"Banter" or "O-shaberi" (O-Shabs) in Japanese, is the art of jovial and frivolous conversation and behavior, which can be taken to several different levels, and can be liable to involve crude, offensive sexual joking which may offend some. It is also liable to be very personal, being directed at particular people and may develop into direct offense and 'mickey' taking of a person. The saying 'If you can't take the banter, canter' means that if you take offense to another's comments/actions when they were intended only to amuse, then you should leave. The use of banter is often suggested by the seduction community, the rationale being that sexual tension cannot exist without polarity; thus, teasing and otherwise "messing with" the person can actually create attraction. Banter is particularly difficult for those on the autistic spectrum, or those with Semantic Pragmatic Disorder.

Television programs described as "talk shows," such as William F. Buckley's Firing Line or the Dick Cavett Show, can be considered as exercises in conversation. In entertainment talk shows, however, the conversation is often pre-scripted.

Men and women

A study completed in July 2007 by Matthias Mehl of the University of Arizona shows that contrary to popular belief, there is little difference in the number of words used by men and women in conversation^[1]. The study showed that on average each of the sexes uses about 16,000 words per day.

Literature on conversation

Authors who have written extensively on conversation and attempted to analyze its nature include:

• Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, and Ron McMillan have written two New York Times bestselling books on conversation. The first one, "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High," McGraw-Hill, 2002, teaches skills for handling disagreement and high-stakes issues at work and at home. The second book, "Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior," McGraw-Hill, 2005, teaches important skills for dealing with accountability issues.

• Charles Blattberg has written two books defending an approach to politics that emphasizes conversation, in contrast to negotiation, as the preferred means of resolving conflict. His From Pluralist to Patriotic Politics: Putting Practice First, Oxford and New York: Oxford University Press, 2000, ISBN 0-19-829688-6, is a work of political philosophy; and his Shall We Dance? A Patriotic Politics for Canada, Montreal and Kingston: McGill Queen's University Press, 2003, ISBN 0-7735-2596-3, applies that philosophy to the Canadian case.

• Paul Drew & John Heritage - Talk at Work, a study of how conversation changes in social and workplace situations.

• Neil Postman - Amusing Ourselves to Death (Conversation is not the book's specific focus, but discourse in general gets good treatment here)

• Deborah Tannen - The Argument Culture: Stopping America's War of Words, Conversational Style: Analyzing Talk Among Friends, Gender and Discourse, I Only Say This Because I Love You, Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work, That's Not What I Meant!, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

See also

• Bohm Dialogue
• Chat
• Conversation Theory
• Dialogue
• Speech (public address)

External links

• Advice on initiating conversations and links to conversational organizations.
• Article on developing basic communication skills
• Conversation Cafè, devoted to creating a "culture of conversation."
• Empathic listening skills How to listen so others will feel heard, or listening first aid (University of California). Download a one hour seminar on empathic listening and attending skills.
• Lifehack howto on Small Talk
• "The art of conversation", Economist, 19th December 2006

References

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